Funny Correspondence Sent to the Family History Department, Salt Lake
1. Our 2nd great-grandfather was found dead crossing the plains in the library.
2. He and his daughter are listed as not being born.
3. I would like to find out if I have any living relatives or dead relatives or ancestors in my family.
4. Will you send me a list of all the Dripps in your library?
5. My Grandfather died at the age of 3.
6. We are sending you 5 children in a separate envelope.
7. Documentation: Family Bible in possession of Aunt Merle until the tornado hit Topeka, Kansas. Now only the Good Lord knows where it is.
8. The wife of #22 could not be found. Somebody suggested that she might have been stillborn--what do you think?
9. I am mailing you my aunt and uncle and 3 of their children.
10. Enclosed please find my Grandmother. I have worked on her for 30 years without success. Now see what you can do!
11. I have a hard time finding myself in London. If I were there I was very small and cannot be found.
12. This family had 7 nephews that I am unable to find. If you know who they are, please add them to the list.
13. We lost our Grandmother, will you please send us a copy?
14. Will you please send me the name of my first wife? I have forgotten her name.
15. A 14-year-old boy wrote: "I do not want you to do my research for me. Will you please send me all of the material on the Welch line, in
the U.S., England and Scotland countries? I will do the research."
16. I would like to know how many descendants I really have?
ARBITRATOR: A employee that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.
ANTIBODY: Against everybody
AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.
BERNADETTE: When you burn up your mortgage papers.
BURGLARIZE: What a crook uses to see.
CONTROL: A short, ugly convict.
COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put kitchen cabinets in homes.
HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.
GRAMMAR: my mother's mother
LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.
PARADOX: Two physicians.
PHARMACIST: A farm helper.
PRIMATE: What you have to do to get your spouse away from the TV.
PROTEIN: In favor of teens
RELIEF: What trees do in the Spring.
RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.
SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.
SUDAFED: What you have done when you have filed a legal case against a government official.
SEMICOLON: Half of a large intestine.
HORSEPOWER: The amount of laryngitis you get when you yell too much.